


Cherry Bomb

by bubblemoon66



Category: Skulduggery Pleasant - Derek Landy
Genre: Body Horror, F/M, Hanahaki Disease, Idiots in Love, Original Character Death(s), Possibly Unrequited Love, Quarantine, Sickfic, Skulduggery Pleasant Fic Exchange 2020
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:21:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27107869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubblemoon66/pseuds/bubblemoon66
Summary: After being exposed to a magical and deadly illness, Valkyrie is forced to quarantine. Fortunately, it’s just a precaution, because the disease only affects those suffering from unrequited love and Valkyrie isn't in love with anyone. Right...?
Relationships: Valkyrie Cain/Skulduggery Pleasant
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23
Collections: Skulduggery Pleasant Fic Exchange 2020





	Cherry Bomb

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LassieLowrider](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LassieLowrider/gifts).



> **Warning:** Some talk of blood/gore, epidemics, terminal illness and quarantine ahead. It's not actually that dark, but given the current climate (2020) I wanted to forewarn you.
> 
> This fic was written for the third annual Skulduggery Pleasant Fic Exchange. It's based on two prompts left by @LassieLowrider. I took some (many) liberties with how I interpreted the prompts but I hope you'll enjoy it regardless.
> 
>  **Prompt #1:** Val is in love. She wasn't sure, but then she started puking up flowers. That kind of made it hard to deny - and very hard to hide.
> 
>  **Prompt #2:** Give me characters of your choice in lockdown together, either unexpectedly OR people who went "locked inside for several weeks? I'm gonna spend them with YOU!"

Skulduggery was waiting for her beside the fountain outside the High Sanctuary, looking every part the film noir star in a charcoal greatcoat with his hat pulled low and the morning's fog rolling in around him. His facade was down, as it usually was while in Roarhaven, and there was a plaid scarf draped around his neck. He gave a cheery wave that ruined the dramatic image but made Valkyrie grin, as she crossed the Circle to join him.

"Here," he said, handing her a red corrugated coffee cup. "One gingerbread latte with an extra shot of espresso, two extra shots of syrup and extra whipped cream."

Valkyrie closed her eyes and inhaled the rich, heavenly scent of coffee laced with cinnamon, nutmeg and ginger. "Oh my God, I love you. I love you so freakin' much."

"Are you talking to me or are you talking to the coffee?"

"I'm talking to my soulmate. The reason I get up in the morning."

"You _are_ talking to the coffee," said Skulduggery with a sigh. "Wonderful. Did you get any sleep last night?"

Valkyrie laughed. "About forty minutes. They weren't consecutive minutes, mind you. Every time I started to drift off Alice or one of her friends would start giggling and that would set them all off. I think they were playing some hybrid hide-and-seek truth-or-dare combo. I don't know. It involved a lot of running and giggling at four-thirty in the morning. Did I mention the giggling?"

"You did," said Skulduggery. "Now drink your heart-attack-in-a-cup. I need a partner who's sharp today and preferably doesn't talk to inanimate objects."

Valkyrie took a long, slow sip of latte. It tasted exactly as good as it smelled. It was the perfect temperature too; Skulduggery must have been using magic to keep it warm for her. The cream hadn't melted either. A wave of affection washed over Valkyrie, heating the pit of her stomach just as much as the drink did. She hid her smile in the cup. Skulduggery was cocky enough without her plastering _gratitude_ across her face. 

"So, what do we know about this body then?" Valkyrie asked, post-caffeine. That's why she was here in Roarhaven and not at home cleaning up the remains of her sister's sleepover. 

"Not much," admitted Skulduggery. "An old acquaintance of mine, Artemisia Guile, called it in. She said she found him in the gutter when she was taking the rubbish out."

"Any idea how he died?"

"That's what I'd like to find out." Skulduggery offered his arm to her. "Shall we?"

"We shall," was her reply as she took it. 

**❀❀❀**

Arm-in-arm, they walked the city streets, their paces perfectly matched. December had just begun and a few of the houses they passed had put up decorations to mark the occasion. A wreath here, a string of tinsel there... Subtle and understated. Not at all like Dublin with its miles upon miles of lights and buskers singing carols on every corner. Still, it more festive than the Roarhaven Valkyrie had known as a teenager. A sign things were changing. 

On the corner of Cresent Row and Black Cat Alley stood a small, elderly woman. A fringed shawl was wrapped tightly around her, the two ends clutched tightly to her chest. Her steelwool hair was cropped short around her ears which had begun to redden in the cold. When she caught sight of the two arbitrators she smiled, the wrinkles around her mouth and eyes deepening. 

"Hello, Artie," said Skulduggery.

"Hello, Skulduggery. It's good to see you again," she said, leaning in and kissing the air either side of his cheekbones. 

"And this must be the infamous Valkyrie Cain," Guile said. Her brown eyes twinkled as she gave Valkyrie an appraising look. "She's prettier than you last partner." 

The comment was directed towards Skulduggery but delivered with a wink in Valkyrie's direction. _Oh,_ Valkyrie liked her. 

"She knows it too," Skulduggery murmured. 

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Guile said, this time to Valkyrie. "Cassie always spoke of you fondly."

 _Cassie?_ A jolt of surprise struck Valkyrie. There was only one Cassie she knew. "You knew Cassandra Pharos?"

"Since we were young. We toured Europe during the Renaissance together. She was my... muse." For just a second, Guile's eyes turned misty. The smile fell from lips only to be quickly replaced with a new one. "I suppose you'll be wanting to see the body now."

"Please," said Skulduggery.

**❀❀❀**

They followed Guile down Black Cat Alley, then down an even narrower nameless side street tucked between two tall greystone buildings. 

The body was on the ground, slumped sideways against a black wheelie bin. The man was white, dirty blond, five-seven, maybe five-eight... It was hard to tell when he wasn't flat on the ground. He looked around Valkyrie's age, which if he was a sorcerer, meant he could be anywhere between twenty and two-hundred. The skin around his eyes and neck was splotchy and purple. Dried blood pained his lips and chin. More blood smeared on the back of the right hand like he'd tried to wipe some of it away before he died.

"Poor devil," Guile murmured.

Skulduggery crouched low, next to the body, and carefully lifted one of the eyelids. Wanting a closer look, Valkyrie squatted down beside him. Their knees bumped but Skulduggery didn't seem to mind.

Behind them, Artemisia Guile hovered awkwardly. 

The corpse's blue-eyes were bloodshot. That and the skin discolouration pointed to asphyxiation as the most likely cause of death. There were no ligature marks, no trace of any fibres around the man's mouth, no scratches around his neck, no defensive wounds at all. Nothing to suggest he'd been smothered or strangled. 

In his lap lay a scattering of flowers. Smale, pink petals also coated in blood. Skulduggery picked one up, twirling it between gloved fingertips. 

"What do you think?" he asked.

They looked like cherry blossoms, although Valkyrie didn't know enough about botany to be sure. There weren't any flower boxes on this street or plants in any of the windows that she could see. All the trees they'd passed en route had been stripped bare by winter. 

"It's the wrong season for flowers," Valkyrie pointed out. She flicked her aura vision on. A pale mossy green light surrounded the flower. "They're magic."

Another light caught Valkyrie's eye. She straightened, grabbing Skulduggery's wrist at the same time, and yanked him up with her. The body was glowing. She pulled Skulduggery away. Stepped between him and it. Raised her hands. Her magic dancing at her fingertips. 

"Skulduggery, he's-" she was going to say _still alive_ but stopped herself. _No, that wasn't right._ He wasn't alive. The light was too small, concentrated in his chest, instead of filling him as a true aura should. The colour too was wrong - the same green as the flowers - not yellow or orange like a healthy person's, not even the pale blue of the undead.

"There's something living in him," she said. "I don't think it's human."

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Skulddgery's aura. His hand by his hip, resting on the grip of his gun. Just as tense as she was. Behind him, somewhere, was Guile. Valkyrie could feel her presence but couldn't see her, didn't want to take her eyes off the body to check on her. 

Any second now something was going to come bursting from its chest like that scene in _Alien._ Valkyrie was sure of it. Any. Second. Now... Except it didn't. The corpse continued to lay there like corpses generally did. The light inside it was shrinking, growing weaker with every passing moment. 

Slowly, Valkyrie lowered her hands and exhaled. "Whatever it is, it's dying."

Skulduggery stepped closer. His hand wasn't on his holster anymore. It was on the small of her back. A tingle ran up her spine. The tension in his stance was palpable. She didn't even have to look at him to know something was bothering him. 

"Are they connected?" he asked quietly, in her ear. "The flowers and what you saw?"

Valkyrie considered. "Yeah, I think so. Why? What are you thinking?"

"That nothing good is going to come of this." 

The hand feel from her back. The tingling stopped. Valkyrie let her magic go with it. Her normal vision snapped back into place. 

"Artie," said Skulduggery, turning to face the older woman. "I want you to go home and stay there. I'll come find you when we're done." 

Guile looked uncertainly between them, then nodded once, and hurried back down the alley they had entered from. 

When she had disappeared from sight, Skulduggery unwound the scarf from around his neck and wrapped it around Valkyrie's. "Mouth and nose covered," he ordered. 

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow in silent question but did as Skulduggery suggested, pulling the edge of the scarf up. It smelt like he did. Clean with a faint note of gunpowder. 

Skulduggery crouched once more, put his hand on their victim's jaw, and pried. The was a crack. Valkyrie winced sympathetically. Then he stuck his, thankfully still gloved, fingers into the corpse's mouth and scooped out a handful of saliva and bloody petals. 

"Cup, please," he said. 

Valkyrie held the empty coffee cup outstretched, as far away from herself as was practical and watched him deposit the petals within. 

"That is disgusting," she said, voice muffled by the scarf. "Is that how he died, choking on a bunch of flowers?" 

He reached in and scooped out another handful. They must have been in the victim's throat, likely his chest too, Valkyrie realised as she traced Skulduggery's logic. "Looks like it."

"What do you think did this to him? Fae? Dryads? A witch with a grudge and a whole eco-warrior thing going on?"

"Possibly. Possibly not. I certainly hope it's one of those three. Unforutnelty, I think we might have something worse on our hands than a little murder." 

Worse than murder? Now, that was intriguing and also slightly worrying. "Like what?"

"Have you heard of something called hanahaki disease?"

He must have known she hadn't. Most of what she knew about the world of magic had come from him. 

"Is it a mystical disease that can make flowers spontaneously appear in people's airways?" she asked sarcastically. 

"That is preciously what it is." 

Valkyrie blinked in surprise, not really expecting that to be the right answer. "Wow. Seriously? There's a disease that can do that? Why I am only hearing about this now?"

"Because it's rare. There have been a few small outbreaks in the far east over the past decade and a few more but isolated cases elsewhere. But only sorcerers are affected and they tend not to live in dense enough populations for the illness to spread far. We've never even had a confirmed case in Ireland before."

"Until now, assuming your right," she said. "Roarhaven has the highest magical-population in the world what do we do if there's an outbreak here? Is there a cure or some kind of treatment? How deadly is it anyway?" 

"I don't know," admitted Skulduggery. "Magical illness are not my area of expertise. The Sanctuary will have a protocol for this situation. It'll fall to them, not us, to manage an epidemic. We'll need to alert them to what we've found. They'll confirm with an autopsy. If the cause of death is hanahaki, it'll be out of our hands." 

**Author's Note:**

> Second chapter coming soon. Sorry I had to split them! Have a wonderful Christmas, Em!


End file.
